In my home culture, you generally do not raise your voice unless you are quite angry or excited about something. Americans tend to be loud, but not so much in direct conversation with one another. The only time we would yell at someone would be during a sporting event or when we are angry, with few exceptions.
In Morocco, when I first arrived, I saw two men exit a bus together. They stood on the street corner talking for a moment. Then, they became quite animated, waving their hands and gesturing. Their voices got louder and louder. I hadn't learned enough Moroccan Arabic to understand what they were saying, but I was sure they were about to turn their confrontation from a verbal one into a physical one at any moment, because their actions fit the cues that would imply this result in my culture.
Instead, and to my surprise, after a few moments they smiled at each other, shook hands, and each walked away in a different direction. I sat at the table in the cafe from where I witnessed the event and wondered what on earth had just happened.
Move ahead two years.
I had studied language and culture that entire time, and had begun to have a feel for what was going on. I had witnessed the event over and over, enough that it didn't bother me anymore. Still, I had never been close enough or fluent enough to comprehend what was being said...until this day.
"Come to my house with me and eat something."
"I'm sorry, brother. I can't."
"What do you mean, you can't? Of course you can. It will only take a little time. My family wants to see you."
"No, honestly. My wife is waiting and we have guests tonight. I will get in trouble."
"It won't be that long. Just a few minutes. Don't you like me anymore?"
"Don't be hurt. Of course, I like you. You are my brother, you are precious to me. I really am not able tonight."
And the conversation continued to rise in volume and tension, each one getting louder and more vehement in their mode of communication, until, at some invisible cue, each one smiled and gave the other a warm and friendly greeting of departure.
What just happened?
In this country, the volume with with something is said does not generally communicate the emotional content, such as anger. Instead, it communicates the strength with which you believe what you are saying. Each one in the conversation had to get louder and say things increasingly powerfully to make sure his friend understood that he was loved and respected.
Differing styles of communication