• this world is not my home

Disappointment is the fertile ground between expectations and reality, where disillusionment is birthed.

We all move with some sort of expectations of and in our new culture. Some are reasonable, others are not. We usually don't know the difference until well after the transition is in process. What do we do when reality does not measure up to our expectations?

Then, later in life, when a person moves back to her (or his) native culture, she (or he) may discover that things there are not quite as they were remembered. Perhaps society has changed, friends and family have grown in unexpected ways, or the memories were filtered through idealism and not grounded in reality.

Now what? What do you do when you begin to feel disillusioned?

I like to write poetry when I feel down: much more than when I am not feeling down.

 When I begin to feel disillusioned, I try to discover the source of my emotion. Do I have un-met expectations?  Were my expectations unreasonable? Should I have had no expectations?  Are my old expectations met; but maybe my perspective has changed, causing new unrealized expectations? etc.
  I also try to find my own fault in these emotions. More often than not, I find that my own actions are the root of the un-met expectations that are causing disillusionment.  That really takes the edge off. Also, if the source is me, I can change the situation as quickly as I can change my attitude.
  This is me personally- results may very.

In the past, I've mistakenly stumbled over my disillusionment and fallen into periods of depression; thankfully, that didn't last too long. While growing up, this was a frequent occurrence for me. I was always more intelligent, thoughtful, and mature than the children around me. Almost every time that I would make friends, after a short while of contentedness, I would fall headfirst into disillusionment about myself, the growing distance between familiar things, and my connections with other people.

Now, I just adapt in the ways that are healthiest for me. If I feel at odds with my society, I shift my focus to the immediate community. If I can no longer relate meaningfully to the people I've surrounded myself with, I'll let them disconnect as they want, and find new people. There are always new and interesting people to meet, so long as you know where to look. Finding these people, and developing new relationships that will enrich my life, is much more productive and appealing than being chained by misery to old friendships that are going stale.

Most people will constantly be changing with the flow of society, and as someone who makes it a point to be largely detached from that flow, this means that people will often get swept away from me. However, it gets less and less sad every time it happens. Like a prospector sifting for gold, I have ended up with some really valuable people in my life, who also refuse to move with the current.

I suppose I don't really experience disillusionment in the same way anymore. I try not to approach things with expectations of familiarity, but with an abundance of curiosity. If I meet disappointment, I give it a polite greeting and move on to new things. It's not as if I can forcefully change the people that have disappointed my expectations.

I sympathize with your situation; I don't think you can have quite the same mentality as me, given the fact that you have a family, and thus, many social obligations as a member of that group.

My way of dealing with this is probably a bit unhealthy, in more ways than one. I sit up late watching movies in English while eating comfort foods. Then, I cry a little. Eventually, I feel better.