• this world is not my home

Well, I am just about completed my first 2 years as an International teacher (physics, science, IT) here in Tokyo. I moved from Australia in June, 2006 after a pretty traumatic time where we lost a lot of loved ones and knowing that my gran was dying.

One of the greatest challenges was when my gran passed away in November, 2006 - I received the phone call in the morning during term break.  Note that I have no family in Japan, and in the vacations, the teachers tend to scatter to the four winds.

I was so wanting to come home, but my family insisted I stay, so I wrote a eulogy taht was read by my cousin on my behalf.

It has been a very tough time also, as a young staff member passed away.

Then my dad got ill with bowel cancer, we almost lost him, I so wanted to jump on that plane, but my parents insisted that I stay, but I had the money ready, just in case.  Many months later dad recovered... then had a heart attack! But has recovered.

An uncle also passed away in this time.

The hardest part is being so far away from my loved ones, in all cases, it truly tested my strength and resolve.  But I was never really alone, other expats and locals were there for me.

In a situation like this, reach out - you'd be amazed about how many are willing to give a helping hand and a shoulder to cry on.  It also shows that you are human.

Oh, that would be so hard. I have been fortunate enough to not experience the loss of a loved one while I have been away. My wife has, though, and it isn't easy. Everyone back where it happened get to together and mourn together at the funeral and have a chance to say a "goodbye" that feels like a real "goodbye," because of the setting. When you are away like this, you still kind of expect, at least in your subconscious, that you will see the person again. It seems to take longer to work through the feelings.

I am sorry to here about you loses. The same thing has happened to me twice. In my five of living in Morocco, I have lost three family members in America. To add to it, last night we got a call that my other grandfather had a mini-stroke, thankfully he is going to be alright.

Its harder when you go back and they are not there, like Matthew said its hard because in your subconscious you expect they are still going to be there.

  I experienced this while still in the states.  My great-grandmother passed away while I was several states away with life changing meetings scheduled for the next few days.  The funeral arrangements had been pre-arranged and the only way for me to attend was to drive 8 hours without sleep, spend a few hours at the service and drive back, still with no sleep.
  I was planning to do this, but I was strongly encouraged by family to stay where I was.  It helped that I had just spent time with her two weeks ago.  As we said goodbye, it felt as though we were both saying goodbye for the last time. Despite this, there was a sense of obligation and; I must admit, a concern for what other family members might think. Enough so, despite what my parents were advising, I almost decided to make the trip.
  While talking things out with a friend he asked me a question that settled my mind and spirit.  What would your great-grandmother have told you if she where still alive? The answer came quickly and clear.  (Don't be foolish and drive all those hours without sleep. I'm gone, it's just my old body that’s left.  We got to see each other two weeks ago and we will see each other again some day.) It turned out that the rest of the family felt the same way. So, I stayed where I was.
   My wife and I know that these circumstances will occur again.  We have talked about possible scenarios and how we will deal with them (deaths, weddings, etc).  It's important to talk these things out with family and friends and have some plan of action. However, one should always remember that life is at times beyond our control, and we needn't feel guilty about this.