• this world is not my home

When you move from one culture to another it is stressful. This is true for adults, and it is also true for children. There are some things that make this sort of move even more difficult for children than for adults.

1. They have no control over what is happening.
2. They have less life experience, and therefore fewer tools for coping with the stress and the change.
3. Often, they don't fully understand what is happening, especially the little ones.

My family is moving to a different continent in less than a month. The big day is still about 3 1/2 weeks away. My two older kids, ages 5 and 6, understand this. They are stressed and have begun sorting their things, just like mommy and daddy, into keep, sell and give away piles. That is hard. My two year old, however, doesn't quite comprehend the time frame. Today, he packed a bag with some treasures and carried it around all day, a good 6 or 7 hours. His bag contained a Little Einsteins kids' dvd, a dvd of the movie Cars, and a stuffed plush toy.

What can we do to help kids in big transitions like this? My list here is certainly not exhaustive, and I hope others will add to it. These are some things I have found help my kids.

- Talking to them, often, and as clearly as possible about what is going on, but only giving them the details they need, and not the ones that would just cause them to worry and feel even more powerless. For example, telling them that we will be shipping a big box on a ship across the ocean is helpful. Telling them their toys that we choose to keep will be on it, and that it will take about two months for the items to reach us in our new home is good. Telling them that there are a hundred different, but unlikely ways in which the box could have trouble and never reach us (ship sinking, customs corruption, theft, problems with the transfer from the ship to the semi truck, etc.) is not helpful.

- Being a bit more gracious when they get "clingy" and need extra attention and reassurance, sometimes every five minutes...sometimes every thirty seconds.

- Talking about what they will experience in their new home. What their new school will be like, the stores we will shop in, what kinds of foods we will eat.

- Talking about things they will miss after we leave, and helping them to say, "Goodbye," in a healthy way that allows them to mourn and have closure.

Gosh, there's a lot more, but I'll stop there to let others contribute and perhaps jump back in later.

One thing I have learned traveling with kids: feed them healthy food and often. Lots of water, milk or juice and no soda. Plenty of protein and good carbs. I aim for something small every 30 minutes. It's a nice distraction if you don't overdo it and it keeps the blood sugar levels even, preventing "the grumpies."

   Got a friend who was stationed in a another country for about a year before moving here.  His daughters are about four and two.  It's summer so there aren't many kids here that speak English.  His oldest daughter is having a difficult time adjusting after leaving all of her friends.
   So much so that she pretended the birthday presents her parents gave her were from her little friends from their previous host country.  This has my friend considering a career change with only 9 years to retirement.
   Any one had to deal with this?     

I've seen similar, perhaps not as pronounced as in this example, though. Most times, I have witnessed that kids adapt pretty well given some time, and with a solid and consistent parental presence that is loving, patient and understanding. That isn't always the case though, as kids are not all the same. There are cases where it really comes down to a choice between your child's mental well being and a career. The people I most respect in those instances have done all they can do to try to help the child adapt and adjust, but when that isn't happening, there are those rare times when the best thing is to buy a return ticket and take the child back to their native environment, even if it requires a career change.